I’ve come to learn somethings about myself over the last couple years. And the one that has been made the most clear is how I friend people. If you aren’t looking for a companion until your days in the retirement home then avoid eye contact with me. I love full, all in, ‘might make you uncomfortable but look me in the eye while I tell you your worth’, kind of love. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be in it with you as much as you will let me.

But with all big feelings comes big risks and sometimes devastating falls. Losing a relationship feels like trying to relearn how to talk to people. Like I understand the words being said but what do they mean? It feels like a part of me gets lost when a friendship ends. I’m sure it is the same on the other end because depth of love creates space within each other. We make room for each other’s love, ideas, opinions. These things begin to shape us in new ways that wouldn’t have happened outside of such an exchange.

It is beautiful. And it is heart breaking. And It is worth it. It is worth the pain when it doesn’t work.

Not everything ends with a pretty bow and everyone feeling like they were heard and understood. But one thing I realize I need to remember is that these moments of loss and mourning are not a a reason to stop. These moments, in a way, show me that this deep, true love from another is possible. I have found it before and I will again.

There are more wounded people whose broken hearts are begging the same question as mine.
Who could love me like that? My answer is, you will see.